Research shows that disputes about money account for 57% of breakdowns in UK relationships. Yet, many believe the arguments are about spending or budgeting, when in reality, the problem is much bigger: we all have different money personality types.

When a natural saver discovers their partner has splashed out on yet another Amazon Prime purchase to make themselves feel better, they are not seeing the benefit of the product; they are seeing the opportunity cost of not investing that money. They are seeing their retirement being pushed back.

Once we are aware of each other’s money personality types, we can work towards coexisting and finding a middle ground.

The 4 most explosive money personality combinations

  • Saver vs Spender: This is a volatile dynamic. Savers see purchases as a threat to their future security and, therefore, a source of anxiety, while spenders see excessive saving as living in fear and wasted opportunity. A classic way to gauge this is how willing someone is to spend money on “fleeting” experiences, like a weekend in Edinburgh.
  • Controller vs Free Spirit: This creates friction because controllers are detailed planners – they love a spreadsheet. Free spirits want to remain flexible so they can seize opportunities. A classic friction is overpaying the mortgage vs renovation.
  • Investor vs Security Seeker: These two may appear similar in frugality, but have wildly different views on risk. The investor sees cash savings as losing money to inflation, while security seekers see stocks as gambling.
  • Transparent vs Private: A lot of Brits are private about money and unwilling to discuss salaries. Private types struggle with financial advice for couples because they cannot agree on being open about their situation.

The psychology behind financial personality crashes

Money personality differences trigger emotional reactions. This is because money represents psychological needs differently, and our attachment to it. Those who experience harsh childhoods of poverty or instability may hoard cash for security, while their partner may see money as a tool for growth. One may have a scarcity mindset; the other sees abundance.

These can stem from upbringing differences, but also different personalities more generally (e.g., to impress others). When finance and marriage come together during major life decisions, like house purchases or children, this can be the time when clashes arise. Partly because they are already stressful times logistically, but also because they test our money personalities to the extreme – and shine a light on just how different we react to money concerns.

The deeper issue is that each person’s money personality seems correct to them, but that denies their partner’s approach as being valid. The first step towards working through differences is to acknowledge that there is no correct personality.

Proven ways to stop money personality fights

Learning how to budget as a couple means designing the system to satisfy both personalities. Set up direct debits to put the saver and controller types at ease. Apply this not just to savings, but to leisurely spending too. Here, one partner will see the disposable spending pot as being controlled and forecastable, while the other partner will experience it as a freedom to spend whatever is inside it.

Remember to have regular talks about money. Don’t just set-and-forget a new system; come back frequently to review it and encourage ongoing feedback. Try to make it fun – there is no need for it to always be so serious!

Another technique is to assign roles that lean into that personality’s strength. Let investors handle the portfolio, while security seekers oversee the emergency fund.

Finally, identify common long-term goals. You will most certainly share some, no matter how financially different you are. This might be prioritising your child’s education or perhaps retiring at a certain age.

Resolving money personality differences

Having two different money personality types in a marriage is no bad thing – it can be a strength, if you lean into each other’s strong suit. This is the best way to unlock the money benefits of marriage and, ultimately, to reduce the strain on your relationship itself.