Finances can be a sensitive topic, especially when you are in a relationship, and you deal with your money matters as a couple. We all have different spending and saving habits, and there is a good chance that the way you do things is different from how your partner does them.

The odd money decision here and there can quickly escalate to conflict if your communication around finances isn't the best. Disagreements about money are normal – in fact, Psychology Today cites finances as one of the top 10 sources of conflicts in relationships – but that does not mean you have to have these kinds of rows at home.

This guide will break down how to handle money arguments when they arise in your relationship, including how to understand your partner’s money habits and talk about money without turning it into an argument.

Learning to Talk About Money Without Arguing

Since money can be such a topic of tension, you may struggle to discuss spending habits or financial difficulties in your relationship calmly. There are, however, a few ways you can approach these conversations to minimise the likelihood of an argument, including:

  • Choosing the right time (i.e., not when the moment is already heated)
  • Using "I" statements instead of playing the blame game, e.g., “I feel stressed when the account balance gets low” instead of “you always spend too much”
  • Focusing on specific situations and not bringing up past mistakes
  • Agreeing on next steps together

If you can sense your partner becoming agitated or you feel you might impulsively say something snappy, leave the conversation until you can cool down and regain control of your emotions. Remember, you should be there to offer one another emotional support, so lead every conversation with that intention.

Understanding Each Other’s Financial Habits

Talking about your finances can make you feel vulnerable, even when it is with someone you are very close to. This is especially the case if your ability to manage money is tied to having poor mental health.

But the more you can understand about each other’s financial habits, the better you can address your money troubles and improve your shared financial health. For instance, if your partner’s past experiences or upbringing have shaped their money behaviour, having this understanding will help you build patience as they work through their financial problems.

Also, remember to have some self-compassion. Financial struggles can affect your self-esteem and make you feel worthless, but this certainly is not true. In the UK, financial worries are extremely common, with just under half of adults in the country being affected by money insecurity. You are not alone, so try not to feel like you are.

Creating Simple Money Rules At Home

One of the simplest ways to prevent the vicious cycle of the same money arguments at home is to create rules around how you spend, save and borrow.

For instance, you could set a monthly amount each person can spend freely with no questions asked or decide which bills always come from joint money and which come from personal accounts. You could also create joint financial boundaries and set rules for using credit, such as no new borrowing without a joint conversation.

The important takeaway here is that these rules should be mutually agreed upon. If one person feels forced into following another person’s rules, this could affect your relationship as a whole.

Addressing The Deeper Issue

Finally, if you are trying to approach money conversations with a cool head but they still always end in a row, there might be a deeper issue at play. You or your partner might be dealing with something beyond your financial ability to budget, save or manage debt.

Many mental health problems can affect financial decision-making, as can common neurodevelopmental disorders like ADHD and autism. You may need support beyond the bubble of your own relationship, such as therapy or medication, to improve your financial well-being.

In today’s world, there is an ever-growing understanding of poor mental health and it is definitely nothing to be ashamed of. Seeking help when you need it can be beneficial not just for your financial situation but also for your quality of life as a whole.